Not-So-Secret Diary of an 'Aristo-Geh'

I'm walking up to the dress rack I spotted as I came into the store. I couldn't for the life of me take my eyes off the hermes scarf I spotted earlier through the window. Its so pretty. The grey colour would go well with my dark skin tone. It'll also go well with the blue givenchy blouse I'd just bought two blocks down the street. Its terribly cold this time of the year in north london. These shoppers must think I'm crazy or extremely rich as I 'waste' loads of cash on summer outfits. A young caucasian male of about 27 walks into the store; he's looking right at me, mesmerised. I bet he can't get his eyes off my rack or my sensuous lips. I'm really pretty; I'd been told so a million times. He still turns around for more 'eye-feasting' even as he walks past me but his gaze suddenly changes to one of shock and slight embarrassment just as I feel the glove covered hands grab my left shoulder. Alhaji! He must have thought he'd̥ been spotted by my dad. I turned around to receive a kiss from the old and rather ugly looking man everyone else must have assumed to be my father. I see the puzzled looks on their faces. I'm used to it; I'm indifferent.


I'd woken up that morning thinking about the previous night; the things he'd asked me to do to him. 'Is this really me?', I'd thought. What would mom say if she could have seen me last night. I was meant to be in school studying for monday's pathology test. Instead here I was; lying naked next to a man older than my father! Oh my father! What would he say? He'd probably have himself to blame. But these decisions were mine and mine to make alone. He, Alhaji had asked me to spend the weekend with him in London. How could I say no? Miss this golden opportunity to get a Visa. Of course I knew what was expected of me. Alhaji likes to be stroked, teased, humiliated sexually and then be 'allowed' to take out his frustrations on my perfect body; my body that so many wanted, so many craved. I was expected to let this dirty old man do as he wished to it. Even as I had walked past the customs at Heathrow, I couldn't care less. It was worth it. Last night, oh last night! It would most likely have been better spent having an all night study session at the faculty lecture halls back home. Home! Home was thousands of miles away last night. Still was this morning. And I can't for the life of me figure out why I hadn't been in my bed back home. He'd made me tease him and then he'd taken his pent-up 'pressure' out on my tender arse. Yes, my arse. I'd bled even as he angrily thrusted into me. I'd bled! As if that wasn't enough, he'd 'forced' me to lick him off. To me, it was more like lick ME off! All the dirtiness I felt on the inside, I sucked right off his member, along with his seeds. My tongue probed the folds of skin around him to get every single drop.


I really did think that this morning's shopping spree would make me feel better. And yes it did. *shrugs* what can I say? I'm an 'aristo' girl. I think of what my 'friends' back in Nigeria would say; the look of awe of their faces as they went through my luggages. I would finally be 'one of them'. They wouldn't have to know about the painkillers; my still bleeding anus. They only need to see the material evidences of my trip.


Don't just sit there on the other side of this story and wrinkle your nose at me. Don't you dare look down on me. Don't judge me. I judge myself everyday. Its still not enough. There's really no excuse. I should face my studies, graduate and then get a job, right? But how can I graduate when I can't even pay my school fees. Mom slaved over the fire by the bus-stop back home. Why shouldn't she wear the finest of clothes? Because she has kids? Why should little Jared have to sit on the floor at school? Cause there's no money to pay for a private school? Why? These are the questions I ask myself. Is it all worth it? No! I'm sure you agree with me. The smile on mother's face as whenever she sees me or little Jared happy. That was all that once mattered. But things change. We grow up. We know that we could help. In anyway. We have 'eaten from the tree of knowledge of good and evil'. Now I know that a weak smile is not enough. Its barely a smile; a mona-lisa smile! I think back to those smiley moments. They never once reached her eyes; just her lips. I want to change that. But its still not worth it, I know! But then again, its MY pain.


That first time with Tomi, my first love. Love; feels like some distant place of which I have no idea whether or not it exists. Tomi really did love me as I did him. But it still wasn't enough. It never is. He was gentle. He sang to my body. He loved my beauty. He didn't try to own it although he did, he had 'earned' it. But that time feels like a different distant realm. I was sincerely happy. Now I'm actually still happy. I'm just not satisfied; not with the sex, the clothes, the money, everything. Nothing! I want more. Was it a mistake that I had followed Laide to that minister's house two years ago? That I had had a threesome with them? Aaaah! My first sinful act; that first step into the dark side. £7000 he had given me. Even father had never seen that much money! How could I look back? How could I go back to eating at 'bukas'? To wearing 'OKs'? No! I had to keep up to keep the currencies coming. Tomi was heartbroken when he saw me at that hotel with Mr. Jakande. I couldn't even beg his forgiveness cause I woulda hurt him again. I let him go so I could be 'free'.


Don't judge me! I would do the honours. It started out with needing money for fees and now its all about needing money for a Honda Pilot.... The 2.4 camry just doesn't cut it anymore. I want MORE!!! Blackberries are old gists, I want iPads and HTCs. H&Ms and New Looks won't do, I want Victoria's Secrets and Louis Vuittons...... I want MORE! Its never enough. It never stops.


Would I do things differently if I could go back? Staring at the shopping bags in my hands; the mail I just got on my phone, sent to me by my bank as I walk the walkways of downtown London; Alhaji by my side, I WON'T!!!! I'd do it the exact same way. Maybe even better. I could make do with a BMW. Don't judge me!